Its about making memories worth repressing
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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