saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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