I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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