i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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