is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
