He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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