If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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