She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
