Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
