Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
