Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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