Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
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The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
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It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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