Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
