is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
