Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
