first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
