i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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