someone get that fucking seahorse.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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