I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
