I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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