If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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