do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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