I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
