I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Randomize
