i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
