Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
