Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
