well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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