im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
