oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
