kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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