I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
