Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
