i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
