I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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