I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
