I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
