i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
You did what with his pubic hair?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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