I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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