this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
