It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You have to summon your inner elephant
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize