Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
