Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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