I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
