u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
