I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Randomize
