i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
