i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
