We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
