"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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