i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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