some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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