She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
