i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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