i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
