the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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