so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
