i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
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I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
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You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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