They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
