He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
