who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I met the friendliest cop last night
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
