He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
thus making me awesome and them whores
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
