Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
