No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
