I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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