The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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