Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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