I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
