i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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