Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
