My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
