And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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