you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
