I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
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Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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