You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
