I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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