Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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