SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
