This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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