I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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