I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
