I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
