Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
