There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
