Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
