He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
